I hate when it rains…
Filed under: Behind the screen..., Stories..., craps ..., uuphh yeh life!!! — chapters @ 7:27 PM
It was cloudy out there…it seemed that it was going to rain…
7 AM …and she was sleeping. Suddenly her cell phone came into life and it started ringing the title song of Kal Ho Na Ho… “Har ghadi badal rahi hai rup zindegi…chaaon hai kabhi kabhi hai dhup zindegi…har pal yahaan zee bhar jiyo…jo hai shamaa kal ho na ho…”. She woke up and answered the call…it was from her senior…Kaustav Da…
Kaustav Da said, “hey…were you sleeping?? Sorry if I disturbed you but you see…it is very urgent.”
“Nah dada…tell me…I was about to wake up…what’s the matter??” she asked in a sleepy voice.
“Listen, just now I got a call from onsite and they want us to finish up the Block A as soon as possible, because they are going to send the Block B next week. So most probably we will have to work today also. I have already finished up the work, had done some testing also. It seems okay…” Kaustav Da said in one breath only.
“Okay…that sounds good…then ??” she was still feeling like sleeping for some more minutes.
“But, this time we won’t take any risk. I just want to be doubly clear about the bug free coding. So would you please go to the office and do some regression testing? I think if it comes out to be okay then we can deliver this tomorrow in the morning only and if there are some bugs then we can both work on them and can debug the code today in the night and the delivery can still be on time…you see…nice plan na??”
“But dada…I just woke up now…and I came late yesterday…you know it dada…I wanted to sleep little more…I will go after 10 AM…will that be okay??” she was really frustrated…
“Come on…please go within ½ an hour and start working and then we can relax. Until and unless the work is over we can’t rest…now get up and get ready. I should find you online on the remote machine after ½ an hour…”
“1/2 an hour?? That is impossible for me…I need at least 1 hr to get ready and then I will walk down to the bus stop which will take another 10 mins…and then I will reach the office according to the time when I can get a bus…so it will take me around another 1/2 an hour…and hence, I will only be able to reach there after 1 and ½ an hour…” now she was little awake…
“Okay…okay…it is meaningless to fight with you…just go and start working as soon as you can…and please madam…try to be little faster…”…Kaustav Da knew she wont be that late…she was really responsible when some work is concerned, otherwise she was little lazy.
“Yup!! Sure I will try to get ready fast…bye…I will update you about the progress…”
“That’s better…all the best…bye…”
She heard Kaustav Da clicking off the cell phone and the line going dead.
She woke up though she wanted to take a nap of another few minutes, but now, even she also wanted to get the work finished as soon as possible so that she can at least take some rest in the evening.
It was Sunday…weekend and she just wanted to sleep at the house. The whole week was really hectic for her. Everyday she returned from office at about 10 / 10.30 PM. And she had to do an extra day’s work on Saturday also as the project delivery date was coming very close. She had retuned at 01.45 AM. Office cab dropped her in front of her apartment and she had to wake up the watchman to open up the gate as it was already locked. She had to come by the staircase to 4th floor, her flat, where she lives alone, as the lift was not working. She was really tired and had no interest in cooking and then eating. She just had a quick shower, ate some biscuits, drank some water and was already sleeping by the time her body hit the bed.
And now, she had to rush to the office again.
She was ready in 40 mins, made some cheese sandwiches for breakfast. While chewing her sandwiches, she was combing her hair standing in front of the mirror. Suddenly she stopped combing and looked into her own eyes; looking at herself in the mirror…
When she had joined her first company she was 22 years old, had come from a small town to Kolkata for the first time. She had some dreams…not very big dreams…few small but sweet dreams; a chubby, but cute looking girl with her dreamy eyes…
But now, she is 26 years old, had already spend more than 4 yrs in Kolkata. She had no more dreams, not even a small one; a slim, but elegant looking woman with her empty eyes…
She turned away from her own eyes and took out her contact lenses from the drawer, and put them in her eyes without looking into the mirror. She was somehow feeling uncomfortable while looking at her own reflection. She rushed out of the flat, locked the door.
It took her 40 mins to reach the office.
It had not rained yet but it seemed that it was going to rain…
The watch man at the gate smiled at her. She gave back a smile saying… “Ki dada…kemon achen??” (Hello brother, how are you??). He replied with another broad smile without uttering a single word. She had learned to speak good Bengali within these years of staying here and she admired herself for this.
There was nobody at the reception. The lift was on the ground floor. There was a sudden feeling in her…she imagined as if the lift was happy to see her…it was welcoming her with a smile, exactly like the watchman did. Automatically, it slipped from her mouth … “Ki re…kemon achis??” (hey…how are you?) And she got into it, pressed the button number 7. The lift came into life and closed the door behind her. She turned around and faced the door of the lift as it was moving up now.
Within a minute or so she was at the 7th floor. How calm was the office!! Most of the lights were off except few. She looked into the cabin through the glass door. There were 3 peons cleaning the floors and sprinkling room sprayers every nook. They were all very familiar faces to her. Within these 2 years in this company, she had talked to almost everybody and it seemed that everybody liked her because of her friendly nature.
She flashed her access card in front of the card reader at the door, the door swung open. While getting into the cabin she noticed that she was not alone who had come for extra work. There was Uttam Saha, the project manager of some other project. He was well known for his work-alcoholic nature. Nobody had ever seen him coming to the office or going out of the office. He came long before anybody came and went after everybody had left. At first she used to think that how can somebody work like that!! Does not he have a family to look after, does not he have some responsibility towards his near and dear ones!!
But now days, she was not an exception even; late night coding, testing…it seemed that she also had started enjoying the busy life that she used to complain about few years back. It had well understood by her now, that, when you want to sleep peacefully, without any dreams then keep yourself busy through out the day, make your body and mind tired by working, working and working.
She went to her seat. Unlocked her system, checked her mails, connected to the remote machine client had provided for her and started working. There were so many thoughts coming in her mind before she was there at her seat. But now, her mind was totally absorbed by the work she was doing. She was restless before, but now she was happy…relaxed…in her world of testing and coding…
Her cell phone rang again…it had always disturbed her when she worked. She picked up the phone without even looking at who was calling…
“Hello???”
“Hello…still sleeping or what?”
“Oh!! Papa…I am in the office now…”
“What?? Have you gone nuts? You were working till midnight yesterday and now you are back at the office again…you will get sick dear…take some rest…its weekend…and you…”
“Papa…please…we have a deadline and we will have to finish it off as soon as possible…it is just matter of couple of hours and I will be back at the flat soon…don’t worry…I wont get sick, I am fine…”, she did not give a chance to finish the sentence her father was trying to say.
“Okay…do whatever you want…just let me know when you are back at your flat…will you do that?”
“Ya sure papa…love you…”, and she disconnected the call.
Her whole attention was again on the work she was doing and her cell phone rang again…she was really frustrated this time. She picked up the call…it was Kaustav da on the other side…
“Hello??”
“Hey…did you reach office?”
“Yup!!”
“Okay, that’s good…so have you got any bugs till now?”
“No, there are lots of things to be tested…I will inform you when I am done…ok?? Bye…”, and she cut the call and did not forget to switch off her cell this time…
After 3 and ½ an hour, she looked at the bug list she had found out and the list of corrections she had made to debug the code…she looked satisfied now. It was the time to inform Kaustav da now that the work was completed. So she switched on her cell phone only to find out that she had 11 missed call alerts…6 from Kaustav da, 2 from her parents, and 3 from some unknown number. She made a call to Kaustav da…the ring could be heard and there was an answer on the second ring only…
“Hey…what’s wrong with you? Is everything fine? I was so worried…why had you kept your cell phone off?? I had tried your number so many times!!”
“Ya dada…the code had 5 bugs, minor ones…I had corrected them…I have sent you the bug list as well as the corrected code…it is working fine now…I retested and I am 100% sure of the bug free code now…”
“WOW!! That sounds good…see, I had tell you na…it would be only a couple of hours work…now you can enjoy your weekend and I can also do the same…”
She could feel the pleasure in her senior’s voice…she smiled and said, “ hmmm…I can go back to home and take a nap now…it is a sleepy weather…”
“okay…thanks a lot…you had done a good job…enjoy your day then…I am going to do some more testing from home only…chal bye…ja ghar jake so jaa…(go and sleep at home…)”.
“Bye dada…”, and the line went dead.
She logged off from the remote machine, checked her mails again…no new mails…she had not expected any either. She locked her PC and rose from her seat. Uttam Saha was still there, glued to his system. She looked around, there was one of the peons, cleaning the window glasses; he was Horen Basu, Horida…that’s what everybody called him, a middle aged, simple person.
From the distance, Horida looked at her and smiled, “Ki…kaaj khatam ho gaya?(work over?)”
He had a very strange accent while he spoke Hindi, as most of the Bengalis have, and he intermixed Bengali words within his Hindi sentences…she smiled back and swung her head up and down in affirmation.
“Han… mein abhi ghar jaa rahi hun…” (Ya, I am going home now.), she said with a smile.
“Kintu madam, Baaire to bristi hochhe…” (But madam, it is raining outside)
“Kya?? Jor se barish ho rahi hai kya? Mere paas to chaata bhi nahi hai!!” (What? Is it raining hard? I don’t have even an umbrella with me!!)
Though Horida was speaking in Bengali and she was speaking in Hindi, but both of them could communicate effectively.
She ran to the window to take a look at the rain. Through the glass of the window, nothing was visible…just the pouring rain. She could not even see the big “Gulmohor” tree which was standing in front of the office building…it was raining really hard.
Suddenly she had a feeling of insecurity…a feeling like crying. And then she heard herself mumbling,
“I hate when it rains…”
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“I love when it rains…”, she said cheerfully as it had started raining suddenly and both of them were getting wet. He was trying to run towards the small road side tea stall to get a shelter, but she hold him back and smiled… “Come on…it is the first time that it is raining in Kolkata after I came here. I never thought that I would meet someone like you here and just within couple of months I would fall in love with you…”
He gave her a puzzled look, “Hello!!!…it’s raining out here and you are talking about falling in love and all???”
“I am saying that, its so romantic weather yaar…lets take a walk in this rain…I would love to walk like this, with you, forever…”, she said with dreamy eyes…
“Have you gone mad??? Wake up…come out of your dream land…you are totally drenched and so I am…”, he was almost shouting.
“Please, aur thodi der na…aap kyun ghussa kar rahe hain??” (please…for a little longer…why are you getting angry??), now she was pleading…
“Both of us will get cold if we will stand like this on the road while it is pouring heavily…we are already wet and it is better that we will go there and have a cup of hot tea…”, he said this while holding her hands and dragging her towards the tea stall.
“How unromantic!!!”, she moved along with him, holding his hand tightly.
When they reached at the shop, there were few more people; some standing and some sitting on the small bench the shop had. They got into the stall and stood just little away from the stove on which a big bowl full of boiling tea was put. There was a mixed smell of the burning kerosene, boiling tea and the rain drenched earth; she was enjoying the latter one.
She was looking at the rain and smiling to herself when she heard him ordering 2 cups of tea to the man behind the stove…
“Dada, paanch taakaar dutto chaa niye eso to…”(Brother, bring two 5 Rs worth cups of tea).
The man behind the stove responded with a nod.
“But, I don’t drink tea…just order 1 cup for yourself.”, she said while adjusting her scarf on her as the dress was getting stick to her body as it was completely wet and she was feeling little awkward for this.
He turned around and stood facing her, “Try this tea, I never forget to have a cup of tea from this place whenever I am on this way…it is really tasty. You will love it…believe me!!”. He took one end of the scarf from her hand and wrapped around her finely and smiled.
She also smiled back and whispered a small “thank you” to him.
He tried to comb his wet hair with his fingers. Still it was not tidy. She made it look little better with her hand. “Now, you look like a hero…”, she said in a joking voice and laughed out loudly.
He just smiled and said, “Mein to humesha hero jeise hin dikhta hun…” (I always look like a hero…).
Both of them laughed this time.
The man behind the stove called out for him to take the tea…
She watched him going and then bringing back the 2 small earthen cups of tea and then she thought “I really love this person…more than anything, anyone in this whole world…”. He gave her one of the 2 cups and started sipping from his cup. Then suddenly he marked her looking at him. He waved in front of her face and she came out of her thoughts with a jerk.
“Hey…kis duniya me khoyi hui thi??” (Hey…in which world were you roaming around??), he asked jokingly.
She just smiled and looked away from him…towards the street in front of them…and said…
“I love when it rains…”.
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“I love when it rains…”, she said when she got up and saw the morning shower through the window of her flat.
Then she remembered that she had to get ready and go to office as there was a meeting with clients that day. She got out of her bed and went to the bathroom.
She was happy that day as she had just completed her 1 year in the company and that day she would get her confirmation…no more probation period. She will also get a salary hike…
She was ready for the office within few minutes…before leaving for the office she did not forget to say a quiet prayer and a thank you to the statue of lord Ganesha. It was a year full of ups and down for her; both in office and in her personal life also. Finally she had got a permanent job and she had confidence that that day there would be some good news from him also…he had returned from a week long Delhi trip with his family just 2 days back, but she had not met him yet as both of them were busy with their official work. But he had made a call to her the day before and had asked her to meet in the evening.
She headed for her office…took a cab from the road in front of her flat, though it was little costly for her to travel by a cab, but it was raining and she was in a hurry. She just wanted to finish off all the work as soon as possible so that there would be no pending work in the evening.
…“He was sounding a bit off the mood, but I think it is because of the journey or may be because of the work pressure. Anyways, he will be happy to know about my confirmation and I will give him a surprise when I will tell him that, finally, after a long cold war how I convinced my brother about him and now my brother is ready to meet him.”
…She was in her thoughts, when the cab suddenly took a turn and stopped in front of her office. She asked what the rent was and paid the amount to the cab driver.
Her project manager congratulated her for completion of 1 year in the company and the whole team asked for a treat; she promised to give one the next week.
She even got a small gift from her team…a CD of collection of her favorite songs. And her project manager gave her a big gift…a new SR to study the requirements and to complete it as soon as possible. And soon she was at her desk working on it…but she was happy.
In the evening, when she came out of the office, it was still raining. She made a call to him. There was no answer. She heard the ring going on, she was feeling restless and the rings went on till what seemed to her like an eternity. Finally she heard a pre-recorded message… “The number you are trying to call is presently not responding. Please call later…” followed by the same message in Bengali… “je number ey apni…”
She disconnected the call in the middle of the sentence.
“He must be busy..”, she told to herself. She took out her umbrella and started walking towards the auto stand. When she reached at the stand, there was a single auto rickshaw and the driver was sitting in it.
“Dada…Karunamoyee jaben?? (brother…will you go to Karunamoyee??)”, she asked the driver.
“hain…basun…(Ya…sit…)”, said the driver and started the auto. But it did not actually start moving before it was fully loaded with 7 people including the auto driver.
She reached at Karunamoyee within 15 mins and went to the magazine stall on the footpath where she usually waited for him. There were no one except her and magazine stall owner because of the rain. But she was not at all feeling awkward…she was habituated of standing there, as whenever they met, it was always she, who came earlier and he rarely came on time. But she had never complained…she always thought that he might be busy.
That evening also she was waiting for him very patiently…she had good news and she just wished that he would come early. She was imagining his happiness when he would know about her job and about her brother being agreed to meet him.
It was over half an hour. She was little tensed now. She dialed his number again. This time he answered it.
“Hey…listen…I will be there within few more minutes…just stay there…”, he said this just after picking up the call and cut it off.
She was clueless.
After 10 minutes, a cab stopped in front of her and he came out of it. She watched him paying the driver. He came running towards her, trying not to get wet. He stood there under her umbrella, with her.
“Where were you?? I have been waiting here from last 1 hour. Anyways, I have some good news for you…you know,…”
“I am sorry…”, he said in between…
She smiled, “Its ok dear…actually, I was so restless to meet you that every minute seemed really long to me…hey look at me…I am saying some romantic hindi film dialogue here…”, and she gave a giggle.
“I am sorry…”, this time he said this little louder.
“What’s wrong with you? I said it is okay…”, she said surprisingly.
“I am sorry for everything, but I have very little time to make you understand everything. So just listen to me, carefully. I know, I am hurting you, your feelings…you might not forgive me for what I have done with you…but…”, he could not say anymore.
“I am not getting you…what are you talking about? Is everything alright??”, her heartbeat was really fast now.
“Last Wednesday, I got engaged to Neha, daughter of my father’s friend, in Delhi. You already know that my parents were never happy about our relationship and they fixed my marriage with Neha when we were in Delhi and then the ring ceremony was also done and everything happened so quickly that I could not even inform you”, he said this with his eyes fixed on the ground. He did not even look at her face to see how she had reacted to this shocking news.
She was looking straight at him…the whole world vanished from her view…it was only him…she could not hear the rain hitting the ground any more…it was only his voice…
He looked at her with apologizing eyes, “I can’t say NO to my parents…after 1 month I will get married to Neha. I don’t know how or what I should tell you to make you understand my condition…when my parents approached me with this proposal, I was totally trapped. I could not say no as they knew everything about you and me, but still they were doing all these things. I thought about it later and came to a conclusion that I can’t do anything about it and whatever is happening or going to happen is for good for you, me, your family, my family…for everyone.”
Each and every word he said, was hitting her; she was feeling suffocated. She grasped for some air…she heard her dreams breaking…she saw the broken pieces washed away by a tide of emotions…but there was no reaction on his face. He was calm; as usual. She tried to say so much, she tried to shout at him…but her emotions never found the words. She was just looking at his face.
He looked at her, straight into her eyes… “I am sorry…this is the last time we are meeting. We won’t meet again. I have promised my mother so. I must leave now. If you want I can drop you at your flat…it is too late and it seems that storm is about to come.”
Now she looked down…at the ground.
“Can’t you try once more?”…she heard herself speaking in a faint voice for the first time in last 10 minutes.
“I have already told you that there is nothing to try. I don’t want to argue with you on our last meet. I am older than you. I had seen life more than you. I know what is best for all of us and believe me, this is the only way where everyone can live happily.”, he was saying little faster now.
“Everyone??? What about me? I can never be happy without you…tell me about yourself…will you be happy?”, her eyes were moistened, but she did not wanted to let him see that, so she was still looking down.
He took a long breathe, “If I say that, yes I will be happy…will that be enough for you to stop this arguing right here? From last 7 or 8 months I am just trying to convince my parents. I gave up now. It is just not happening. And you should also forget all these and move on. You will find someone better than me who will keep you happy. And there are people who move on after they have a break up of years’ long relationship. We have a relationship of just one year. It won’t be that difficult. Just engage yourself with your work and you will forget everything soon.”
“Does relationship depend upon time? I thought it depends upon feelings…”
“Listen…I said I don’t want to argue with you. Everything will be fine. Time will make you to move on.”, he was literally shouting at her.
“But…”
“Do you want me to drop you??”, he stopped her in the starting of her sentence.
She looked at him and shook her head, “No…”.
“OK then, I am leaving. Take care and… I am sorry again.”
She watched him leaving…she kept on gazing at him until he vanished from her view. He did not even turn once to look at her. Now that he was gone…forever…she looked around her. Suddenly a fear of loneliness surrounded her. There was strong blow of wind and her umbrella was gone in a moment. She did not even bother to go and bring it back. She stood there motionlessly. The magazine stall owner had also left long ago.
She was totally drenched now…she could not know when the rain got mixed with her tear and when it rolled down from her eyes and hit the ground. Even the ground did not mind to take those extra drops apart from the rain…
She heard herself again; after a long silence…”I hate when it rains…”
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“I hate when it rains…”, she heard herself once again and looked away from the window. Her eyes were wet. She wiped them with her hand and came back to her seat. It was still raining outside.
Every time it rained, she felt lost; exactly as she had felt three years ago. She could never forget that evening. She never met him after that. He got married within 1 month and went to USA with his wife. After 6 months of that incident she resigned from her job and went back to her home…tried for other companies in her town… got into a small company too. She thought that staying away from the place which belonged to him will make her adjust with her present life. What if she tried to adjust…it seemed that life did not adjust with her. Her parents started forcing her to get married. But she could never imagine herself with somebody else. She knew, he would never come back and she would have to live her whole life without him…but sometimes, she still wished for being with him and in the next moment she said sorry to God as did not want to interfere in his life.
Sitting in her seat she thought, does actually relationship depend on time?? If so, then why is she suffering for 3 years for a relationship that lasted for a year only?? She remembered him saying that whatever God does, he does it for a good reason. She could not find out why she got transferred to the same city which she had left, after 3 months of joining her new company!! She had denied at first, but then she thought that she could adjust and came back to Kolkata.
But till today, she could not adjust. She was afraid of going to some particular places because she had spent some pleasant time with him at those places. Those places seemed haunted now. She was changed a lot, physically and mentally…lost weight without doing anything…lost interest in talking to people. Started working like a maniac, and hated going out.
She always felt miserable, it was nothing new for her, but when it rained, it was the only time when she felt that she should have died instead of living her life like this. She could not even think why she felt so helpless when it rains. She preferred to stay at home those times. She hated to get wet in the rain. It was like a panic for her. Every time it rained, she was lost; she wished that if she could only vanish from this world.
Everybody told her to move on…but nobody told her where to move on…she lost interest in everything. She started having sleepless nights and if fortunately she got some sleep, then she had nightmares of losing him. She got frightened when it rained…the rain reminded her that evening when she lost her ever desired dream.
“Madam…bristi chede gelo…(Madam…it stopped raining…)”.
She came out of her thoughts. Horida was standing near her. She did not know when her emotions had taken the form of tears. To avoid Horida’s questions, she looked away from him, towards the window. She could see the “Gulmohor” tree now. It had indeed stopped raining.
Thinking that, it may start raining again at any time, she decided to leave at once. She did not want to face the rain again and relive that terrible phase of her life. She took her handbag and moved out of the office.
Water had stuck up on the road…thanks to the drainage system of Kolkata!!…she had to wade across the water till the main road from where she can take a rickshaw. She had folded her trouser till her knees still it was getting wet.
She was almost there; then suddenly, to her horror, it started raining again…she was taken back to the past… 3 years ago…that evening…that helplessness…than loneliness…seeing him going away forever…her tear mixing with rain…as if everything was happening again…
She stood there…half way from the main road, water till her knees and getting wet in the rain…tear rolling down her cheeks…shivering with the unknown fear and mumbling…
“I hate when it rains….”
